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10 Reasons The Bartender Isn't Making Your Drink
By: Logan B. 09/09/08

It’s happened before & knowing the way we drink it'll probably happen again. You're in the bar or the club, the Dj's going crazy, the club is going nuts and you can't get a drink to save your life. Let’s figure out together 10 reasons why you can't get a drink and how to go about fixing them.

10. Your Drunk Ass Missed Last Call
It’s 4am, the lights are on and the place is clearing out and you and you're friends stumble towards the bar in hopes of getting just one more drink. Plead, beg and offer to bribe all you want but you and the bar staff both know that the moment they let you have a drink everyone will hit the bar for just one more. Also it’s illegal. Instead just double order before last call and try to close your game at the door.

9. You're Ordering Something He's Never Heard Of
While most bartenders are fluent in a wide variety of libations we can't always recreate that magical Sharkbite you had had that one time in over at the Joe's Crab Shack down by the wharf. Low and behold, even though all bartenders know a majority of universal drinks we don't know all of the specialty cocktails from other bars that we don't work at. Simple solution-look at the cocktail menu and try to get something that's close to what you're looking for.

8. You Look Like You're Up To No Good
Chances are if you're nervously casing the joint, asking for either the cheapest or most expensive things in one sentence and trying to see what you can get for $2 you'll make the staff nervous. In the end, if you run they have to pay. It sucks but that's the bottom line.

7. You're Foreign And He Can't Understand You
This is a tricky one because most foreign people are really cool but unfortunately they can be a bit difficult to understand, especially in dark bars with the music blaring. The trick if you speak a different language is to get a friend to order for you or write it down. Unless the bar staff is completely bogged down they will try to help but beware - it can get frustrating.

6. Hot water with Lemon phenomenon
What part of a bar screams out at you hot water and lemon? Yet time and time again patrons come up to the bar and order this pain in the ass completely free waste of space. Soda or bottled water makes sense. Coffee and espresso will be made and served. They cost money, hence they promote cash flow. The followers of this freaky cult are always bad tippers - it goes hand in hand. If it’s a busy night don't be surprised when the staff tells you the water heater is broken.

5. You're Standing At The Service Station
The area where the cocktail servers go to pick up their drink orders is kind of like a little oasis of calm in the maelstrom of a crazy night. It needs to be kept clear so that other patrons of the restaurant/club can get their orders delivered in the same timely manner as those of the people sitting at the bar, so stay the hell out. It’s usually defined by a metal grate built into the actual bar with some cocktail napkins, straws and pens.

4. Bad Tipper
This is a universal truth but if you're a bad tipper, then if at all possible, you'll get bad service. There is an age old maxim that if you tell the staff you'll take care of them later chances are 99.9% that you won't. Everyone in the entire world who depends on tips for a living knows this to be true. But we'll take care of you, in our own special way. There's the short pour and the reverse cowgirl which is when you pour the mixer first then a splash of booze on top of the ordered drink. It makes it taste strong but the taste is a lie. Say it with us, at least a dollar a drink.

3. You're Too Trashed Already
This should be a no brainer, but when you're drunk you can't always tell. Easy trick, if the bar staff offers you a glass of water instead of your drink, take it. It’s a polite way of temporarily cutting you off. If you can't take the hint then they may just offer you the door next.

2. You're Not Ready
This has happened to all of us and its definitely a forgivable one. Maybe it’s your first time at the bar, maybe you have performance anxiety or maybe you’re just simple. When it’s a busy night and the place is packed and you hesitate you will get skipped. It’s just the way it is. Time is money in a busy bar and the more guests the bartender can help out in as short of a time period brings more money to both the club and the bartenders. Always belly up with a clear idea. If the bar has a cool cocktail menu have a back up drink in mind for when it’s your turn. Also, don't get startled by the needy jerks behind you - no one is listening to them anyway.

1. You're a Douche bag
This is the all encompassing one and the one most cited among bartenders. If you're the kind of person that waves money at the bartenders face, whistles, cuts in line, yells "Hey, Hey, Hey" or generally encapsulates any other area of douche baggery you'll probably be ignored for someone else who doesn't smell like vinegar. Easy fix, be polite, smile and wait your turn. If you really need a drink so bad that you're willing to commit the aforementioned acts then maybe you shouldn't be drinking. The bartender will get to you, we promise.'t-making-you-a-drink-part-2 credit  By: Logan B.

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